March 20, 2009

Funny... and a Lesson for Marketers

As the owner of CraftCritique.com I receive almost daily emails from marketers. They want to optimize our blog for search engines, have us review their non-crafty products, have us SELL their product, loan us money, or a million other things that either do not make any sense or are totally not appropriate for our business.

Out of all the marketing emails we receive I would say less than 5% are applicable to us or worth pursuing in any way. So when I read this article, "A lesson to marketers about the importance of reading the blogs they pitch to but who probably won’t read this because they don’t read the blogs they pitch to", by the Bloggess; Jenny Lawson, I immediately related.

In this post (which you should read right now) Jenny schools a marketing rep for a lotion company who contacts her to test their product line. She toys with him, explaining her need for a SPF shielding lotion to protect her lawn maintenance staff from the dangers of rock dissolving acids. It becomes apparent that not only has he not read her blog, he is barely reading her emails.... hilarity ensues, and a lesson is learned.

The email pitches we receive are so random and ridiculous I always figured there wasn't even a real person on the other end of most of them... they read like Nigerian Lottery win announcements. I just delete them and move on, figuring if I responded I would just end up on more spam lists as a result.

But Jenny's post inspired me, and today I decided to try my luck at badgering a marketing rep. This time from a company that promises to place my products in their network of stores... note that this was sent to Craft Critique, not my personal blog. If you have visited CC you know we do not sell anything, and it's pretty obvious at a glance.

-----Original Message-----
From: David T.
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2009 3:17 PM
To: info@craftcritique.com
Subject: Re: I'm interested in selling your crafts through our stores

I sent you an email a few months ago about selling your crafts through our network of stores. I think they'd be a great fit. Do you wholesale?

We work hand in hand with buyers from thousands of specialty stores, gift shops, large chains, mail-order catalog companies and Internet shopping sites. We need a larger variety of crafts they can choose from, hence my email to you.

If you're interested in selling your pieces to more stores visit us at (his URL was HERE) We guarantee sales.

Sincerely,
David T.
Director of Merchandising
Company Name



My Response...


-----Original Message-----
From: Sarah Moore [mailto:sarah@craftcritique.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2009 3:13 PM
To: 'David T'
Subject: RE: I'm interested in selling your crafts through our stores

That sounds great! How do I begin?

I actually have an overstock of 1000 chain-maile maternity shirts I need to unload. They had been ordered custom by a specialty chain of medieval maternity shops... but with the economy being what it is they just canceled the order. Unfortunately for me I have a very quick staff and they had completed the whole collection before we received the notice of cancellation.

Do you need images of the products? They are a basic tunic style, in silver-tone chain-maile with faux ruby embellishments. I can change the stones out to pink or blue if you think that would be more marketable than red.

I eagerly await your response! Thank you so much for contacting us!

-Sarah



and best of all, HIS follow up!


-----Original Message-----
From: David T.
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2009 6:27 PM
To: 'Sarah Moore'
Subject: RE: I'm interested in selling your crafts through our stores

It's optional to add images, although adding images will help move your products.

As per your email, to get started simply register at (his URL was HERE) Send me an email when you register and I'll forward you instruction on how to get set-up. I'll also add a free month to your account.

Sincerely,
David T.



I honestly don't even know how to respond next! Maybe I will see if I can find an image to send him of my chain-maile maternity tunics... anyone know a chain-maile artist?

21 comments:

Cre8Tiva said...

how much does it cost to let him sell our imaginary offerings???

McMGrad89 said...

Funny...There is actually a maternity t-shirt out there that "looks" slashed and has something that looks like chainmail peeking through. I laughed when I read your letter and laughed more when I saw there was actually something out there like that. It goes to show there IS a market for almost anything.

Good for you for trying to show these marketers for what they are.

Becky said...

That was hilarious!!!
Not sure how i would respond either...
Good luck with that, LOL!

B-

SpAzzGiRL said...

Where can I get one? My pregnant cousin must have one and I can't wait to see the placement of the faux ruby embellishments. LOL
I think I got this email too and thought, "what is it that he thinks I am selling exactly?"

RC said...

Are these a follow up to the wildly unsuccessful "CraftsWerks Chain Maile Guaranteed-To-Prevent-Penetration Chastity Belt??"

Sighhhhhhhhh......

Sparkly Turtle said...

hehe... even pregnant woman may need to be armored during medival fighting. I am sure Xena would back you on this. :)

jen said...

Oddly enough I do know someone who makes chain maile. I never thought that info would be necessary!

myonlysunshine said...

This had me laughing long and hard. Last week I received an email from a "dried meat" company telling me that my blog would be the perfect place for them to advertise.

Kari C said...

My goodness....how funny is that?? I had just read Jenny's blog the other day and had tears running down my face!! How stupid do these people think "we" are??

tamdoll said...

This is great, I'm cracking up! (I don't know if I'd have the guts to do this) Too bad the marketers won't ever read it....

snarflemarfle said...

Hilarious!

My dad used to own a drug store and people would call all the time trying to sell him stuff. He would pull out the book of bad credit cards and go along with the pitch and then give them a bad cc number...then another...and another...until the salesman would finally hang up. I loved it when he did that!

Anonymous said...

i love this, i'll have to tell my Dad - he loved playing this joke on the telesales people ringing his home to sell holidays & ask for "donations" he used to pretend to be ancient & very deaf & say "Oh you want to give ME a donation"? PAUSE re-speal from caller then Dad would say "yes I need a donation I'm very old"! this would go on like verbal ping pong until the caller would hang up! I told Dad off but he wouldn't stop - LOL.

Bev B - New Zealand

Christine said...

Sarah, reading your post is making me laugh out loud!!! The joys of the internet and email.
xoxo, Christine

Gabriela said...

That was a good one! Well done.


~ Gabriela ~

Danyelle Ferguson said...

LOL! This is so funny!!!

BTW - I'm hosting a give away on my blog for an EZ View Desktop. It's awesome for anyone crafty! Come check it out! http://queenoftheclan.blogspot.com/2009/06/summer-time-give-away-ez-view-desktop.html

gscrapbooks said...

Bwaaa haa haaa! That is actually really funny. I don't know how to respond either... I'd probably just say an expletive about the guy and then blog the address, lol!

I'm sure those maternity tunics are totally happenin'! ;-)

grblog said...

Hey, you! Since you posted last on my birthday, I thought I'd leave a message here and harass you to update your blog SOON. I just added you to my blogroll don't want to disappoint my ga-zillions of readers!!! -Jenny

PS... my word verification is "nerdeo." I resemble that.

Marisa said...

That is hilarious! You are a very good writer!

nan said...

i cant comment because I am in Procurement. :)

Re Renegade - Great seeing you again you skinny lady you! :)

Julie Ann Shahin said...

That is too funny!

I found your blog through Jen G.'s link from her Renegade CF post.

Hope your foot feels better, sending healing vibes!
xoxo,
Julie Ann Shahin

Pat Huntoon said...

Hey! I got his emails too! Love your response. I am speechless about what you should say next -- not that any one reads what you write -- but it would be amusing for US to read.